Grasping at (reusable) straws

When I first “got sick” as I tend to say, I tried everything I could think of to “get well.” Not really everything, because I know from past experience eating a Whole30 diet would help me with at least some of the pain I had.

Having done two previous rounds of Whole30, I learned a lot about myself and my ties to food. However, a real round includes a reintroduction process and neither time did I do that properly, so I failed to really complete a round at all. (After 30 days without dairy, soy, grains, legumes, or sugar, I routinely came off a round with pizza and beer.)

I know diet will help whatever it is that ails me. And I know I need to change the way I eat for lots of reasons. Somehow, doing this while dealing with continually worsening pain was overwhelming.

So I tried this crazy (my opinion) diet plan. You eat pre-made food — a bar, instant mashed potatoes, a shake — five times a day and a Lean and Green meal once a day. Even following the program less-than 100 percent, I dropped a lot of weight. With the kind of joint pain I was going through, I fully expected to feel much better, even if not well.

I did not feel any better and continued to feel worse. It was somewhere in there my friend told me I needed to share my gifts with the world. Still working on finding the gifts, of course.

What food will help? Why is it so hard to make the one change I believe will help? I still don’t know the answer. I do know pain leaves to overwhelm on so many levels. My fuse was short. I snapped at people for the dumbest things.

Still grasping.